JUST A LITTLE BURDEN

     Dad wants me to take Lena some soup. She hasn’t come home in a few days. He’s worried. I can’t blame him. Lena never takes care of herself. She’s so strange. 

     Dad drops me off at the library. He says he’ll wait for me. I know he wishes Lena will come out with me. Ha. I doubt it. 

    Security waves me by. It’s some teenager, his face marked with a sun on his cheek like my sister’s. I think I saw him last week. I stare at him, long enough to make him uncomfortable. 

    “What, kid?” He looks around. He’s worried or something.

    Not my problem. I turn away and skip off to find Lena. She’s at her normal table. Books are all around her and I have to stand on my tippy toes to see around them. Paper is in front of her. I think she’s taking notes? I don’t understand. 

    I think about going around and handing Lena the soup. That doesn’t sound efficient. She still hasn’t notice me. She’s too focused on her silly reading. I fix that by launching the soup thermos at her. She shrieks as it smacks on to the table, rolls on her precious papers, and crashes into her. For once she doesn’t look like she’s half asleep.

    “Demelza!” Her voice cracks. I think she’s trying not to make a scene. Too late. Everyone else around us is looking. All of them have suns on their cheeks. I don’t know why my sister cares. Most of them immediately go back to their studying.

    “Dad wants you to go home.” 

    Lena fumbles with the soup. I think she’s actually starving. Maybe if I’m late next time she’d be a actual skeleton? I reach up and grab the book in front of me so I can see her better. She hasn’t noticed. As she twists the lid open, muttering something about how she’s really busy, I look at the book. It’s strange and heavy. There’s a picture of a lake on the cover. I look at Lena again. She’s still making excuses. I open the book to somewhere in the middle and casually browse it. How does this say words to Lena? It’s just a bunch of black squiggles. 

    Lena finally notices when I try to shake the book over my head. She gasps and somehow jumped halfway across the table without spilling any soup. She takes the book from me. Ouch. My finger hurts! It’s bleeding? 

    “It bit me!” I tell her. I didn’t know books could do that. “Lena, it bit me!”

    “Be quiet, Demelza.” She sounds like Ms. Grumlow’s grumpy old cat when he hisses. “You know you’re not supposed to touch the books.”

    “But it-“

    “You got a paper cut. You’ll be fine.” She doesn’t care at all. It is just like her. “What were you doing? You can get into a lot of trouble.”

    “It’s not like I can read it.” I glare at her. 

    “I know that,” Lena says slowly. “Not everyone else will believe you, Melly.”

    “Don’t call me Melly.” I cross my arms. I’m not a little kid anymore. 

    “Demelza,” she rolls her eyes, “I need you to understand this. It’s very important. You could end up in a really, really bad place if you don’t listen.”

    “I know. Knowledge is a burden.” I say in my best official sounding voice. “Reading makes you weird Lena. You should stop and come home. Then Mom and Dad would be happy. You’d actually eat.”

    Lena stares at me. Her brown eyes are red and puffy. They look like rotten grapes about to explode. It’s really gross. I think that’s what happens when you miss bedtime. 

    “Can you thank Dad for the food? I appreciate it. Tell him not to worry. I’ll come home in a couple days.” 

    “That’s what you said last time.” 

    “Thanks for bringing it to me, Demelza.” She waves me off. It’s like I’m a fly bothering her. Shoo fly, don’t bother me. She’s so mean. What if next time I didn’t give her soup? But Mom and Dad would be sad if she died. Her funeral would be really boring too. 

    “Lena,” I touch another book so she’ll turn another funny color. This time when she grabs it this book doesn’t bite me, or give me a paper cut or whatever. “How come you’re no fun anymore?”

    She points to the exit. I wait. She points again, this time her fingers shake. She still hasn’t answered my question. 

    “I don’t know,” she finally says. 

    “Liar. It’s because you’re reading. That’s why it’s a burden. It makes you unfun.”

    “‘Unfun’ isn’t a word.” Lena moves all the books that I can reach. I don’t care what she says. The only reason ‘unfun’ wouldn’t be a word is that whoever decides on words hasn’t met my sister. 

    I look at my book bite. It’s stopped bleeding. I poke at it. It stings. I guess Lena may be right about it being a cut. It looks like when I cut myself with scissors. I poke it again.

    “Look, it’s really nice to see you but I have a test tomorrow.” 

    “Fine.” I stop messing with my paper cut. “Bye, Lena.”

    Her face does something weird. She looks sad for a second. It makes me think of Mom whenever Lena goes back to the library. My sister reaches as far as she can and messes up my hair. I glare. She laughs but it’s weird again. Everything about her is weird. 

    I walk out of the library. The security guy watches me. He still looks worried. 

    Dad is not happy to see that Lena is staying. He tries to keep it from me, but I know. 

    “Why does Lena have to be Burdened?” I ask. I’ve asked this a lot. The answer is always different. Adults always get really quiet. 

    “That’s just how things are,” Dad says. He always gives the most boring answers.

    “I’m glad I’m not.” I look at Dad’s sunless face. “I’m glad you’re not.”

    Dad shrugs. He starts up the car with a button press and we start our way home. 

    “Mom said Lena’s Burdened because someone has to be. I’m not sure why it has to be Lena.”

    “What does your teacher say?” Dad turns on the radio. It’s playing a really old song I don’t like. There’s too many words going too fast. He changes the station to some news. 

“Mr. Donal say that the Ra’anu decided it. He said we all used to be Burdened! But then the Ra’anu helped us but people thought that we still needed people who could read so now only some of us are Burdened. I think it’s stupid.”

    “Demelza.” Dad is disappointed. 

    “No one should have to be Burdened!” 

    Something changes in his posture. Mom always tells me to sit up straight, but I guess Dad doesn’t have to. Or maybe Mom would say something if she was here. He turns up the volume on the radio. 

    “Did you know that Grandma and Grandpa were around your age when the Ra’anu helped us?”

    “Really?” I try to imagine them to be smaller and less wrinkly. I can’t do it. “They must have been so happy. That’s what Mr. Donal said.”

    “Well… You are right.” Dad’s voice is strange again. It gets like that when he’s talking to someone he doesn’t know. I don’t know why he’s using it with me. Maybe he’s just practicing. “Everyone was very… happy.”

…

    When we get home, Grandma gives me a mean look. The sun on her face crinkles like a bag of chips. I wonder if Lena will look like her when she’s old. I hope she’s not as angry all the time. 

    “And where is that daughter of yours?”

    “Lena has a test tomorrow.” Dad’s fingers run across the side table. He does it when he’s annoyed at Grandma. She always frowns even bigger when he does it. Straight lines, circles, all sorts of pattens. It’s really rude too! Mom put me straight into timeout when I did it at her.

    “Hmm…” Grandma walks up to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder. I try to squirm away. She holds me. “And what are you up to, little monster?”

    “I’m gonna go watch TV.” She smells gross like cucumbers.

    She lets go of me. I’m shooed away yet again. I run to the living room and turn on the TV. The Ra’anu are talking about a Burdened who reached Mastery. That’s gonna be Lena someday. Then she’ll be allowed to know everything.

    I sneak back to the door and listen. Dad and Grandma are whispering. 

    “Melly said Lena liked the soup.”

    “Oh, she did?”

    “She was also asking why people are Burdened. She thinks it’s bad that anyone has to read.”

    “Ha! Won’t she be singing a different tune soon enough.”

    “Hush, Mom. It’s what her teachers are encouraging. I’m sure you remember what my teachers told me.”

    “A bunch of cultish-“

    “Knowledge is a burden.” Dad interrupts her. His tone is serious, like when I need to stop something now. Grandma stops talking. I almost give up before she says anything else.

    “Keep an eye on her,” Grandma says. “Lena is too close for things to fall apart now.”

…

    I wake up late the next day. I don’t have school. 

    Dad goes to work at the crystal factory. It’s a good job, my teacher says. It’s what all of us in this sector do if we aren’t Burdened. I’m learning how to work the machines and stuff. I know it’s supposed to be really important but I think it’s boring. I’ll never say so though. I’m still lucky since I'm not Burdened. 

    Lena will have to choose what she does. She wants to be a Master. That’s why she cares so much about her tests. I don’t get it. It’s not fair at all. She’ll have to leave us all if she can’t find a job here. Isn’t that scary?

    Dad left me some broken crystals to play with. I used to pretend that they were cities or people. Now I’m too old. I haven’t told Dad yet though. I still like how they look. Some of them are colors that I don’t know the names for. Grandma laughs when I ask her. 

    I wonder what the crystals do? I know they’re parts of something. My teacher said they help the Ra’anu. He said a big word that started with a C? It’s an evil machine, he said, and it’s the biggest Burden in the world. My friend Erach asked why it’s such an honor to make it then. I wondered that too. My teacher answered what he does when he doesn’t want to answer at all. 

    If Lena becomes a Master, maybe she’ll use one. Then I’ll ask her. Or listen when Grandma does. 

    Grandma has been pacing around the kitchen. I skip up to her. She says nothing.

    “Grandma, what are you doing?” I toss a crystal from one hand to another. What would happen if I threw it at her? Would she catch it? No, she’s old. She’d yell. 

    “Give me that!” She takes it from me like it’s one of her special breakables. I don’t argue. Not with her. I back out of the kitchen. 

    The front door opens. It barely makes a sound. Lena steps through quietly. She looks at me and then Grandma’s back. Grandma must not have heard anything. Lena puts a finger to her lips. She points to the hall. She's sneaking! Maybe my sister still has some fun left!

    I make sure Grandma doesn't notice me following Lena. I walk on my toes. The tile squeaks and I stop. Slowly, I fall to my knees and crawl out of the kitchen. Lena rolls her eyes. 

    I reach my sister. She holds out a hand. I don't need her help! I duck my head and try to roll to my feet. I am stuck. My neck hurts. Once more, Lena tries to pull me up. I let her, just because it will make her happy.

    We sneak to our room. Lena closes our door softly. To my surprise, she goes to the window and pops the screen out. This will be the best adventure ever.

    “Let’s go to the park.” She helps me through the window and then closes it behind us. I laugh.

    “Ok!”

    It’s not a long walk. Lena stays quiet and plays with her ID bracelet. The park is empty. I run to the swings. Lena sits on one beside me.

    “Melly, can I talk to you? It's important. You gotta keep it a secret.” She taps her bracelet. She’s barely even swinging.

    “You can trust me!” I smile at her. I don't even remind her about my name. It's been a long time since I've had a secret.

    “I failed my test.” 

    “Oh.” I don't know what to say. It's a bad thing because Lena needed to pass it, but it's a good thing because she won't become even more Burdened. 

    “This is going to probably affect you. There were plans put into place that if I had passed the test, and the others after it, you would have greater opportunities.” She stops. I'm giving her the weirdest look I can manage. “I know this is hard to understand. You are… astonishingly ignorant when I think about it.”

    “You are oggity bloggity.” I can say nonsense words too.

    She grabs the swing chain tightly and looks at it. Then she points to a single link.

    “This is you.” She moves her finger up the chain. “This is someone born Burdened.” I look at her face. She’s completely serious. I don’t get it. She points out the next link. “And this is someone who passed their first test.”

    “Ok.” I still don’t understand her point. “Does that mean every other link is a test?”

    She nods. “And the top is the Ra’anu. Do you see how everyone supports each other? That each link holds the ones below it. It’s like how Grandma and Grandpa support Mom and Dad, but Uncle Bennet can live on his own. The bottom links can’t hold themselves above the ground on their own.”

    “But when you swing they can go up.” I point out. She smiles and stands up. Lena points at the top of the swing.

    “I wanted to be up there. That’s what our family wanted too. So that I could help do this,” she grabs the chain and holds it flat between her hand. They were all equal.  “Then you, and others wouldn’t be stuck down there.” She drops the chain and the swing goes backwards. It almost knocks into me. “It used to be like that. Then it fell and the Ra’anu picked up the links and made us all a chain.”

    “Are you talking about the Collapse, when everyone knew too much?” I say. My teacher told us all about how terrible those days were and how lucky we were to have the Ra’anu to save us.

    Lena shrugs. A tear leaks from her eye. She sits back down. 

    I look at the chains on my swing. I don’t see what was wrong with being on the bottom. After all, that’s where the actual swing was. I can’t sit at the top. I start leaning as I swing until I bump into my sister.

    “It’s ok! It’s fun down here.”

    She doesn’t say anything back. I bump into her again and again. She growls and stands up, but she smiles.

    “Melly, you’re such a burden.”